Motherhood.......aka: the poopiest, pukiest job on the face of the earth

(read at your own risk)

Fear Factor has nothing on the joys of motherhood. You know, as a reasonably intelligent human being, I knew that children get sick. I knew that babies have poopy diapers. And I knew that as a mother, it would be my job to endure these "little messes." But I don't think the full reality of the situation really hits you.....until it literally HITS you, as in, until the child pukes ON you. Do you know what thats like? If you are a parent you probably do. If you aren't a parent yet......well, one of two things will happen as you read this. Either you will decide to never have children; or, more likely, you'll go into denial and tell yourself something really intelligent like, "oh, well, I'll make sure I never have my kids around other sick kids, so they won't get sick. And if they do, I'll make sure they get to the bathroom on time, and then I'll cook them homemade chicken noodle soup and cuddle with them all day long." Well, you just keep telling yourself that.....

Anyhow, I think the beginning of my journey into the reality of the ickiness that goes along with motherhood ocurred in a small bathroom in a restaraunt somewhere in Montana. I wasn't even married yet, but my parents and I were traveling with my sister, brother-in-law and their 3 week old baby girl. Amanda and I took Matte to the bathroom to change her diaper, and when we unsnapped the crotch of her adorable pink outfit we found that she had pooped with such force and in such a large amount, that the stuff was coming out the top of her diaper, up her back and was almost in her hair. We had never seen anything like it. There was no way to remove the soiled outfit without smearing the poop all over the child's head.....which really wasn't an option, since we had no way to bathe her. And even if we got the thing off in one piece, what were we going to do with it then? We went to the cash register and borrowed a pair of scissors to cut the clothes off. It was almost like a scene out of ER....just as dramatic and traumatic anyway. Yes, that should have been my first clue...

Since that time I have gone on to have two little boys of my own, and I can't even begin to count the number of "power poops" I have cleaned up. Jantzen was especially talented at the art of Diaper Exploding when he was newborn. Every diaper change meant an outfit change....and we tried every brand of diapers. I also don't have any idea (and maybe I don't want to know) how many times I've been puked on. But, I do know that it's been twice so far in the last 5 days, and that I've cleaned up 2 other major puke messes today alone. Adrik was ill on Saturday night, and thank God we had sense enough to leave the restaraunt we were at before he got sick. We got him home and I cuddled up with him in the recliner just in time for him to spew all over me. (Hey, you should have known from the title of this post that it wasn't going to be a poem about roses and kittens!) We're fairly certain Adrik's was just food that unsettled his tummy, because he was better by the next day.

This morning however, I walked into Jantzen's room to find his crib and the poor child totally covered in dry vomit. Apparently he had been sick in the night, but hadn't even cried to let us know about it. He's been unable to keep anything down all day and now it's coming out from both directions. I've called the pediatrician and we're to be giving him nothing but a teaspoon of Pedialyte every 5-10 minutes until he is keeping it down, then we can up the dose.

The messes are really gross, and ugh....I would love it if I never had to deal with another one ever again. But actually, the mess (even when it lands on you, believe it or not) is not the worst part. The worst is watching your little baby feel so sick and then feeling so helpless to make them feel better. And when they are this little, you add to their discomfort the fact that they have no way of understanding what's going on. Even at Adrik's age, he didn't know how to tell me the other night that he was going to throw up, because he didn't know what was happening. I just feel so bad for them when they are sick. Poor little Jantz right now is so tired and miserable, and can't get comfortable. I think he's very thirsty and may be on the verge of dehydration, but if I give him more then a teaspoon of liquids at a time it all comes right back up.

I wish I could make it better.